Today marks my 560th “Let Inga Tell You” column for the La Jolla Light since I began writing it 16 years ago.
I have to say, the first 250 were definitely the easiest.
I’m always on the lookout for column material, given that I truly, really have no life. So a few weeks ago when I was out front watering the azaleas and letting the dog run around the front yard, I noticed a very serious-minded young couple intently focused on their phones. They approached the bike route sign across the street and suddenly exclaimed with jubilation that seemed wildly out of proportion to the circumstances, “Oh my God! Yes! This is it!”
Intrigued, I continued overwatering my plants just to see what “it” was. It looked a lot like a bike route sign to me.
Ignoring the screams of my azaleas to “Turn off the hose already!” I watched as the couple felt the metal pole up and down. Then they beat the bushes behind the sign. They even got on the ground and dug around the base. This went on for an hour.
Finally, in my signature shy and retiring way, I queried, “What is it you’re looking for?” The wife (I assumed wife) briefly explained that it was a “geo test.” She said they have this all over the world. You get (coordinates?) of something and the adventure is in finding it.
Afterward, I Googled what I think is the app they were using and got: “The Geo Test app is a tool that allows developers and testers to perform manual and automated geolocation testing. It includes 300+ different games to test your map skills. You can simulate behavior from different locations by testing with secure, private IPs hosted in 45+ countries around the world.”
I, of course, being Techno Moron to the Stars, had never heard of Geo Test. It sounds like a digital treasure hunt. Or maybe a cardio “Where’s Waldo?”
Turns out there is no prize other than the satisfaction of actually locating the item according to the … coordinates? (I am so out of my league here.) No mention of then going to the nearest bar to celebrate. When I was their age, all celebrations involved libations.
The wife explained that they had successfully located their previous two … whatevers. But this one was truly stymying them. It had to be right here. They were sure of it.
So, ever the annoying spectator that people who do Geo Tests regard as the downside of their hobby, I pushed on: “So are you looking for an actual object?” For all I knew, something would ding or buzz or light up on their phones when they’d found the target.
Apparently, there was indeed an actual object they were supposed to locate: an Altoids tin. Presumably empty? You probably know the tagline: “Altoids: Curiously strong mints.” And if you’ve ever had one, they most definitely are.
As I continued to drown the azaleas in my fascination with the drama across the street, I momentarily thought of offering the services of my dog, Lily, who was deliriously happy at getting all this bonus bark-at-the-gate time.
Dogs, you may know, have an olfactory sense that is literally 7,000 times stronger than humans (although I’m not sure how anyone actually measured that). Yes, this was a job for a dog. No way a dog would miss the scent of Altoids. Unless, of course, the scent gave the dog a fatal asthma attack with its intensity.
OK, so maybe not a great idea. Dog noses definitely did not evolve on scents like mints. In fact, back in column No. 404 (June 10, 2021), I addressed the whole issue of the difficulties pet food makers have in making pet foods that smell disgusting enough to appeal to dogs but not so bad that it will repel their owners. Among the “palatants” added to dog food can be such colorless flavorings as “putrescine” and “cadaverine.” Yummo.
I don’t think even Altoids could cover up those scents. Which may explain why dogs have such terrible breath.
Anyway, if I understood this correctly from the wife, the whole thing about this Geo Test thing is that you’re supposed to find the target but leave it there. The lovely young couple finally had to conclude that someone had swiped it from where it was secured to the bike route sign or the nearby surroundings.
Was this Geo Test terrorism? Satellite sabotage? Just plain bad sportsmanship?
Or did some well-meaning La Jollan on his or her daily constitutional happen to notice an Altoid tin tethered to a bike route sign, sigh in disbelief that people are such slobs and dispose of it as his or her civic duty? Or hope it had been left by the Mint Fairy and was there for the taking? Maybe even mistaken it for a drug drop?
Inquiring and pathologically overactive minds want to know.
So if you are a fellow Geo Test apper and maliciously mint-mooched it to thwart your fellow Geo Testers, bring it back right now!
Alternatively, if you might have been that Altoid-appropriating, tin-tampering Samaritan who inadvertently threw it out, the next time you’re at the store, please buy some Altoids, dump the mints and cable-tie it to the bike route sign again. Those poor kids were so disappointed.
Or … maybe I should do it? It might be the most exciting thing I do all week in my (truly, really) non-life. And best case, generate column No. 561.
Inga’s lighthearted looks at life appear regularly in the La Jolla Light. Reach her at [email protected]. ♦
