Sez Me …
Good tidings of comfort and joy to me — and ye, if you’re so inclined to accept an expensive but deceptive and overrated present under your tree. This merry gentleman is rested and nothing can dismay me.
Thank you, Shohei. Thank you, Dodgers, for your expensive gift — or gifts. You shouldn’t have. All it means is you’ve gone and spent hundreds of millions of dollars to get your asses kicked when the regular season ends.
I am one most happy fella, with renewed faith, caught up in the season, wrapped up in Tinseltown tinsel (which, unlike Frank Costanza, I don’t find distracting).
Shohei Ohtani, the 21st Century’s Babe Ruth, has signed with the Tax Dodgers for “$700 million.” He’ll start getting the great majority of it after his 10-year deal expires, when he becomes Japan’s hard-hitting prime minister, doubling as a pitch man for Toyota.
Shohei cannot spend as wildly in the Ginza as L.A. overspent on him — or, I guess, will spend on him, now that we know stupid MLB will allow him to earn $2 million a year for 10 seasons before he gets $680 million of it so Luxury Tax Man can get thrown out trying to score.
Oh, and we got another last-minute gift when the Dodgers again traveled west to the Far East to throw more hundreds of millions at Japanese starter Yoshinobu Yamamoto. He’s supposed to be good. Won’t be Mr. October II. I’ve never heard of him.
L.A. is also looking at either guys in free agency (possibly from the United States) who can make a lot of money and help them fall apart in October.
But let us stick with Shohei, the present with the biggest bow.
It’s a great deal for L.A. Nothing illegal about it in baseball’s courtroom, which is a reason why the game has been so insanely lopsided.
But I look at it this way. For nearly 40 years, no team in sports has spent more money to fail. And let’s not believe, for a blink in time, that the California Tax Board is going to allow this yacht to slip unnoticed into Tokyo Bay.
I’m also sure Ohtani insisted on g with a team that would get taken out in the playoffs.
As a lifelong hater of the Dodgers’ franchise, I should be down in whatever is below the dumps. Hate is a strong word. I hate it. But I grew up in a family of Giants fans, and while I haven’t cared about the G Men for decades, my hatred for the Dodgers, if anything, has become more virulent.
But I’m fine. L.A. didn’t need to sign Ohtani to make it an overwhelming favorite to win 100-plus games and the National League West. The Padres may never again win their division.
But they sure as hell can win a World Series before the Dodgers do. It is time for the Pads to quit chasing L.A. April through September. It can’t be done. They need distance runners, not sprinters.
But it’s become obvious that the Dodgers way isn’t the right way, cubic zirconia masquerading as diamond. They’ve won one world Series since 1988, and that was during the sawed-off COVID season. They’ve literally spent billions on nothing but fools gold.
I don’t care who they add or subtract. I don’t expect them to win anything. Arizona made last year’s Series with a $120-million payroll. Why? Because they played better baseball. The playoffs do not pay attention to salaries.
Ohtani is a great, great player, but he’s simply not worth the money. After a second Tommy John, he can’t pitch again until 2025, and I’ll wager he never takes the mound again. That’s a lot of money to pay a designated hitter.
If the Padres can get to the playoffs, if their talented batsmen actually can hit when it means something, they have a chance.
Christmas wishful thinking? Yes. But it is a wish based on fact. The Dodgers stink in October. …
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Some nimrods are calling the Ohtani g the greatest in Dodgers history. Jackie Robinson signed prior to 1950, so it apparently doesn’t count. …
The Pads have signed their 20th batting coach since opening Petco. …
Have you seen the new Bud Light commercial with Peyton Manning firing cans of beer to saloon patrons? I’m pretty sure the last one he throws is picked by Antonio Cromartie. …
Al Davis believed a head coach shouldn’t serve a team longer than 10 seasons. Mike Tomlin is a great coach, but it’s time for him to move on from Pittsburgh. His guys aren’t listening. …
But Steelers fans calling for his ouster better pray he doesn’t remain in their division. He’ll get a new job before he packs up. …
Chuck Noll: “If I have to motivate you, I will fire you.” …
The Cowboys’ Dan Quinn must start asking ESPN tonsils: “Make up your minds. Am I a defensive genius, or not?” …
The Dolphins have not beaten a plus-.500 team, and critics claim they can’t hear signals well enough on the road to run their sophisticated offense. How do they communicate under water? …
The Vikings are switching to turf with a lower injury rate. Good to know there is safer phony stuff that multi-billion-dollar teams aren’t using. …
Jim Mora, who coached in New Orleans, takes offense with Morten Andersen’s view that Saints fans deserve better: “He doesn’t know what the hell’s going on. He lives in Atlanta, Georgia. And he’s a kicker.” …
Tony Dungy recommends Bill Polian, 81,as new Judases GM. Might as well insist on Tex Schramm. …
Top quarterbacks now are transferring away from Lincoln Riley. Proof the Heisman doesn’t mean as much. Riley’s QBs win like every other one. …
About a third of USC’s roster has opted out of playing in the Holiday Bowl. Great news. Usually, the entire Trojans roster doesn’t show up for bowl games that don’t have national repercussions. …
Flipping has become a terribly nasty term in collegiate recruiting, but it’s still a fine substitute swear word in countless other situations. …
Lamont Butler feeds new unis to San Diego High’s basketball team. My alma mater. Merry Christmas, Lamont, for providing many gifts in 2023. …
“The Coach” John Kentera didn’t deserve such a lousy Christmas present, a lump of fiery coal in his stocking. I wish him the best. …
Streaming a Saturday night NFL game on Peacock is a communist plot, good for the NFL, bad for America. They should be paying us. …
The NFL Team That Used To Be Here cut Sebastian Joseph-Day, maybe their best defensive lineman, just in time for a real football team to pick him up for the stretch run. …
After his 63-21 loss to the Raiders, soon-to-be-canned Judases head coach Brandon Staley reportedly told his players: “Things like this happen all the time in the NFL.” Well, they really don’t. …
Ham & Eggers: What are you going to do with those empty Morena Boulevard potholes now that the Christmas tree lots are gone? …
At least one restaurant on the I-15 south from Vegas knows it has a chance for new clientele driving back to L.A. Greatest sign ever is out in front: “Just Eat, Baby.”
