Sez Me …
So, you make me an optimist.
I blush. There’s not enough time to thank everyone involved in this historical error of judgment before the band starts playing, but I always will cherish — nay, cuddle and embrace — this moment. So unexpected.
Of course, if you know me, have heard of me, and even, as with most people, don’t know me or care to, you’d realize that what I’ve written above is a crater of crap that would overflow Tahoe.
I try to be optimistic. But, damn, it’s hard. Hell, I didn’t grow up with many optimists. I don’t know many optimists (who really mean it).
But I do know Peter Seidler. And, brothers and sisters, when it comes to optimism and trust, the Padres’ owner makes Moses look like Joe Stalin. If Peter captained the Titanic, he would have told engers: “Stay on the ship. Be calm. Go to dinner. Drinks are on me.”
Honestly, Peter and I talked for about an hour the other day and, while he didn’t shake my negativity toward his team’s seasonal outlook out of me, when I hung up I felt as though I’d just chatted with Gandhi. I couldn’t see through the phone, but maybe he’s shaved his head.
The Seidler Martini is neither shaken nor stirred.
As the All-Star break gets to the starting line, Peter’s Pads, currently getting $250 million of his lovely children’s inheritance, are this close to being the opposite of what everyone thought they could be — certainly what Saint Peter The Optimist believed.
What his favorite G.M., A.J. Preller, believed. What manager Bob Melvin and his players believed. This has been the equivalent of a Rodgers and Hammerstein musical flopping opening night.
But Peter doesn’t see it closing. Not yet. Attendance remains solid.
When I asked him if he would be a buyer or seller at the Aug. 1 trade deadline, he said: “We can win the division.”
He obviously believes he has enough Sherpas available to guide him up this Himalaya in front of his climbers.
“There’s a chance we could be both (buyers and sellers). Whatever makes us better. But I see this as a sellers’ market and there are going to be more buyers,” he said.
“We’ll be active. We’re going to turn over every rock. We’re not going to be timid. We’ve sliced that word out of our fiber. We’re not afraid to do nothing, either, but if we like or love a deal, it’ll get done.”
It’s impossible to say what could help this team — except maybe go back to spring training. Seidler may be a carrier of hope, but he isn’t delusional. If you, the frustrated fan, think of the owner, who has to feel like a groom picking up the cost for a match made for October only to be jilted at the altar.
This is a team that actually had the best pitching in baseball for a few months and still couldn’t win a one-run game — and, up to this writing, was 0-8 in extra innings (which makes the impossible possible).
“How do you explain it,” said Peter in the rhetorical sense. “I lean into every game; I force myself to watch every game. I’ve never seen a season like this. We were supposed to be the hunted. We’ve got to embrace that.
“It’s like watching an accident on the other side of the road. You have to watch it. You can’t turn away.”
True. But like all accidents, it isn’t long before you drive on and out of sight becomes out of mind. …
I wonder how many cheating players didn’t vote Fernando Tatis Jr. into the All-Star Game. …
Fernando already is an action film, not a coming attraction. Fans missing out. …
Ha-Seong Kim damaged his toe kicking a water cooler after his important baserunning blunder Friday night vs. the Mets. Having too good a season to think back-to-back stupid makes a right. …
If batters are going to just stand there and watch home runs, more time could be saved if they go back to the dugout and don’t circle the bags. And if the ball doesn’t clear the fence, they’re out. …
Jackson Merrill appears to be a great prospect. What’s the over/under on the date Preller trades him? …
As my late, hilarious colleague Scott Stewart would say: “Padres pitchers play defense with a glove on one hand and a map in the other.” Although now, he might change map to GPS. …
I don’t know what this in-season NBA tournament is about, what it means, or what it’s for, but I do know two things before it happens: It won’t be good, and I will not watch. …
Damian Lillard wants off the Trail Blazers. What is the attraction for Portland fans now, Nike stores? …
Latest: Dame wants to be traded to the new San Diego NBA franchise, the Cyclists. …
Of course, maybe fans won’t be able to see him when his new team comes into Portland and he takes the night off. …
Howard Hughes’ model for the Spruce Goose? Victor Wembanyama. Your travel agent can get you a flight on this experimental aircraft. …
Stranding Pat? Northwestern has suspended football coach Pat Fitzgerald for two weeks over hazing incidents. He’ll be back from that 14-day vacation long before fall drills. Torture. …
From Brent “Boogs” Schrotenboer: Deion Sanders’ first roster at Colorado will have 68 newcomers, 10 scholarship players from 2022, and 46 new four-year transfers. As the great Jerry Magee would say: “See ya!” Prime is Coach of the Year if he has a lead in one game. …
The hair on major golf’s head is disheveled, but when Rickie Fowler wins a tournament, it gets styled. Great for the game — and, I would imagine, Puma. …
I can see why senators are interested in investigating the PGA-LIV merger. It keeps their heads in the game when they can’t be on the course. …
Besides, there’s nothing much going on in this country or the world that is cause for concern. …
If our lawmakers worked for ESPN, most of them would be on the street, where they’d be lost. …
Alfred Hitchcock’s Bel-Air home is for sale. One bathroom. Shower has been removed. …
Another disappointment. The nonprofit PeopleForBikes has put out a list of the top 10 U.S. cities for bicycle riding. San Diego, The City of Bike Lanes, didn’t make it. Cities such as Detroit, Minneapolis, New York and even hilly San Francisco, did. …
There will be two ways for Bob Baffert to get back to the Derby: 1, sneak in, 2, buy Churchill Downs. He’s about as welcome in Louisville as a glass of plain water. …
If Joey Chestnut is the world’s greatest athlete, Sarah Jessia Parker is the greatest eater. …
If eating makes you a great athlete, hell, call me Nick Thorpe. …
Saw this: The last day of this year will be 123123. …
Bill Gates has plans to “dim the sun” to block global warming. Several well-meaning of the Japan Sumo Association are the first to volunteer shade.
